An article written in 2004

speaks volumes...


http://whatreallyhappened.com/WRHARTICLES/yearoftheslave.html

i really hope this isn't the end...
but the more i open my eyes, the more i see
it's almost inevitable...
I am overwhelmed by this
and no one, is going to help us.
we can only help ourselves
but we won't...we won't...

:\

WHOAAAA

yo, i haven't blogged in forever. my last post was a Dan Yemin interview. real talk. today is 8 months I've spent with a beautiful and wonderful lady i have the honor of calling my girl. She has been everything to me. She gets along with my friends, she supports me and always brightens up my day. She makes me feel ten feet tall when the world around me makes me feel like nothing. And I hope I make her feel half as great as she makes me feel. She is so fun to be with and it's that kind of fun where we can lay in bed for hours and not say a word but that moment means everything. And yeah I may sound sappy or cliché but fuck man, she is my better half if i ever had one! So I'd like to say, if you ever read this, thank you for all the time you have invested in me. I truly love you, Krista. You are my light in this dark, dark world.

real recognize real

i back all his views.
fuck you.

Hard and Funny

hard



funny

Soo...

it's 2 in the morning, and i was watching a youtube interview with greg from the mongoloids and it was a bit weird. i was just thinking how i used to see this guy around and now he's touring europe and touring the USA and he's making moves along with other dudes i've met and some i've known. Reminds about how hardcore used to be so awesome. but how it always revovled around who you knew or what you did. I hated that. I really used to love the hardcore scene and the friends i made because of it. but now I find myself in a different place with different faces and different musical direction. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some elitist who thinks my music is better than yours. I could care less. listen to what makes you happy, even if it's commercialized that is force fed to you via radio, tv, commercials...etc. whatever, if a fucking jingle brightens your day, so be it. But I've given up on elitist ideals about music and learned to listen to whatever the fuck really pleases my ears. No matter how easy it can be played or how hard, that shouldn't matter. that should never fucking matter. Passion is what matters, but that seems to be lacking these days. I miss the friendly faces, the stupidity that ensues before, during and after a show. I still enjoy hardcore, and I always will, no matter how the same or different it changes/stays. I fell in love with hardcore for the feeling it gave me. A place no one could take away from me. And now its a lot different. Everything is different and people have grown and moved on. But I haven't really ever moved on...one day i'll make sense, but for now enjoy the gibberish i provide.



is anybody listening?

Come on come on, and feel the pull

between usssssssssssss

what's up blogging world
i had an interview at cvs yesterday and i think it went well
they said they'd call back by the end of next week
so now i gotta play the waiting game.
i'm about to go watch my brothers game in new providence.
hopefully they can fucking win. but they may not.
they're team is in shambles.
then i should be hitting up krista's game later tonight.
i get to watch my girl cheerlead and shit. weird haha
but i bet she'll be awesome, and look cute as usual.
i haven't been smoking a lot recently and it's been...different
i used to smoke everyday. or try to, and it would get me by
almost felt like i needed it, but i don't. and i've realized this
i love it, don't get me wrong, mary jane will always be apart of me
as much as i am a part of it.
but i like the fact that i cut down, it's nice.
tomorrow is practice! i want to finish disco fries and start a new song
i can't wait till we get shit recorded!! oh and recap from my last post
my court went well, my lawyer said i was an idiot, which i was, but whatever
it's behind me and i can only look forward now.
but what does suck is that i'm like twenty five hundred dollars in debt.
whatever, i hope i get the job at cvs. if not it's fucking working
construction for my ass. alright well this was pretty lengthy so i'll end with this
do not watch prom night, a good portion of your life you will dearly miss
unitl next time<3

I'll stay gold, to keep these pasts at bay

I've been rekindling my love for hardcore lately. Listening to a lot of old shit. Music aside, I have court tomorrow, and then some survivor: cvs edition. No joke. They're bringing in 10 people and only 5 people are gonna get hired. If I gotta kill a bitch, so be it, i need this god damn job. i need money. I've been enjoying my days with krista. She's awesome. I went to guitar center today with frank just browsed around. I want to go to sam ash, look for a good mic. I can't wait for practice on saturday. It should kill. Hopefully we can finish Disco Fries, and move on to a third song so we can hit up a studio and record a demo! so everyone and their friends can listen. and then just play shows and write more and more and more. Speaking of writing, i wrote something today that was influenced by the rain. here it is. untill some other time.<3

“The Sound of Rain”

It’s over now, but the storms still coming
I can’t see two feet in front of me
But the flood, it’s coming
I can hear the roaring of waters
and the pounding noise of thunder

We await lightning
we await destruction
the sound of rain
escapes no one

Defeated by waves of rain
Like they say,
when it rains, it pours
and it’s pouring
and I’m sorry
I’ve been lost in this sea of death
this watery grave awaits
it is my dest…

we await lightning
we await destruction
but the sound of rain
escapes no one

the sound of the rain, escapes no one

All Roads Lead Home

soooo, everyone should listen to A Loss For Words - Webster Lake EP. Wow, it's an acoustic EP from the band A Loss For Words and they are amazing. They're catchy as hell. I've met the singer Matty at warped tour, he was trying to sell a compilation, I bought it because fuck, his band is awesome. They're actually playing here in Rahway on Oct. 5th with I Am The Avalanche. It's an early show and I can't wait for it. I'm really excited to see A Loss For Words. I've never seen them live but I suggest everyone to get into it and come out and support good hard working musicians. Cause hopefully that will be me one day. I have no plans on slowing down my dreams for anyone. I'm kind of upset that I won't be at the NFG show on friday. Ugh...I'll just get really trashed and drunkenly sing NFG songs to myself. Whatever, I can be pathetic whenever I want to be. Tomorrow marks the 6 month anniversary of me and my girlfriend Krista. I can't believe how much time we've spent together. We've had rough patches but we worked through them and we overcame and that's the most beautiful thing to do with someone. I'm so happy to be with her and she brings something else in my life that I've felt was missing, she completes whatever the hell has been bugging for so long. I'm glad I'm a part of her as much as she is a part of me. I think she's cooking for me tomorrow so that'll be good! I don't really know what else to say but when I figure out more to talk about I'll post! So until then...peace out blogalog.

And so we write...

I'm bored, on my computer chair. Looking at things on the internet. Political things, bizarre things, interesting things, shit that will take up some time really. I want to take a nap, but I don't really need to take a nap. I checked out the band United Nations, stumbled upon their myspace and it's interesting. Apparently Geoff Rickley(Thursday) and Daryl Palumbo(Glassjaw, Head Automatica) are in it. It's very politically oriented. Hence the band name United Nations. If you have time to spare, check them out. I cleaned the basement, but I still need to clean my room somewhat. I'm trying to not smoke weed for a bit. Until I can get clean and take a drug test so I can work at CVS. It's a pain in the ass but whatever. I really need money. It sucks. Everything fun involves money. Lately I've been feeling really useless, I need a hobby, or something because I swear I can't take being alone so much. I hate being inside. I hate hate hate hate hate it. Hmmm.....goodbye for now.

Tyrant From The Sea

so many ships lay adrift these cold, cold shores
I wonder how many hollow vessels will lay adrift, tonight
I can see them all, a beautiful wreckage among these lost souls
I want to guide you all home tonight,

to your children, to your wives
but I’ve been cursed, like god is lonely
I must take you in, and spit you out
I am a tyrant from the sea
-------------------------------

something new for ya, can't wait to write more songs with the band.
i'm real happy things are coming along real smooth with everyone.
I can't wait to start playing shows. Getting out there. Touring.
It's been a dream of mine since I got into music.
Making it my life is really all i can see doing.
I've been thinking about other things I can do musically to help
exercise my musical muscles, I want to start a little side project.
nothing serious, just something to vent off little things.
I want something along the lines of new Brand New, City and Colour, and Rocky Votolota.
Something folky, indie, and acoustic above all.
hmmm... that's all for now.

by the way, i'm glad chris got a blog.
now i'm not as lonely. haha

NO ONE

READS THIS.
FUCK.
FUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK




fuck.

Home

Home isn't home when you're all alone
The two people who have brought me here
have detached themselves from me with all the fear
of me being unprotected in a world of shit
Acting like I don't appreciate them
But they know nothing, if they knew anything at all
I have fallen and hit rock bottom but I always manage to get up
Nothing can stop me from achieving anything.

-----------------------------

I feel like a ghost in a house that never dies
I've seen all the lies that cover the walls
I'm reduced to nothing in their eyes
and it hurts and i know why
It's like a ship that is always sinking
You close your eyes, then open them up
always wishing you were dreaming.

Someone

needs to fucking give me the lyrics to
The Backup Plan - Dearest Whomever...
that cd is fucking priceless.
help!

Worthless

"You are a waste of life, a parasite."
they both said with unwavering rage
I guess they're right in some ways
I don't know where I can go
I don't really know anything
Everything I ever learned has prepared me for shit
and in shit I lie, as the days go by
I cannot express any of my feelings
because I am worthless.

I'm back

to this piece of shit. well hopefully i can actually give updates with pictures and stuff.
it's gonna be a pain, but i want to make an effort to at least keep something alive
i don't have any readers, but people should read me. i'm about to smoke a blunt.
hasta luego, blog.

shook ones

save me the pain of ever knowing
that my years are
less than the fingers on my hand.
I don’t care to know.




sums it up well.
it's saturday, it's beautiful out.
i came home drunk last night.
parents flipped out. and i think
they're still pissed at me.
so sick last night. next time i really
do have to eat something before i drink
tremendous amounts of hard liquor.
if anything, i guess i asked for it.
it was nice being drunk. haven't been like that
in a couple of weeks. almost forgot what it felt like.
anyway, i hope i'm allowed out. or that i do something.
i'm doing good in school actually, i can't believe
i'm actually putting an effort to this.
oh well. school is a bore.
i want to start a band and tour the world.
who doesn't?
it's better than being stuck in any town.
i'm sorry i haven't been posting.
but i guess i'm not apologizing to anyone but myself
that's life though, isn't it? haaaaa
i hope i lose my mind over the years.
i'll post in you later. because i feel like being pointless

3/21 - 3/24

easter weekend will be summed up
in some pictures i found on the interweb:









basically.
haha i'm not ready for school.
i am, however, looking forward to after school
cause i get to see my bbbaabbyyy girl.
oh my hair is short.
and it looks lame.
but at least i can wear hats again.
hallelujah.

thoughts on nothing

everything i love is a phone call away (modern times)
everything i love will escape me someday (i am not fine)
the wind is bitter and cold even though it's nice out
i can't help but wonder what my life will be about
will i survive past twenty one? my funeral, will anyone come?
well, if i burn out, like the the stars in the sky,
i hope my glow forever encompasses your nights for the rest of time

_________

maybe everything will fall into place one day
maybe i'll forget who i am and float away
maybe i'll build a boat and leave forever
maybe i'll take you with me, together
We'll find an island, for you and i
we'll have a kid and a dog, we'll die this way
maybe my dreams have failed me
maybe i've dreamnt for so long, i can't see reality

Happiness comes rarely from her lips...

Butttttt, with the exception of one girl, i am happy. I had a great night. It was good and simple and I loved it. and i hope more nights like tonight happen with her. I'll fill you in on somethings i did tonight. We [me and krista] walked her dog, max, through a creepy park. Mental note: good spot to smoke. Then we came back to her house and ordered pizza. Then proceeded to watch one tree hill. Which I actually enjoyed, a lot. It was a good episode. Anyways, after that we watched the grim adventures of billy and mandy. All I'm gonna say is, "RAGGLE FRAGGLE!" I hope this continues. She made my day. Now I'm sitting here contemplating why i'm getting basically one word answers from a certain someone. I guess it's whatever. Friendships are a funny thing also a great spectacular thing. I just wish people wouldn't expect things of me. When you expect things from someone, a pre-formed idea, you are 99.7% most likely to be let down. Hence why I don't and that's why I'm always content with myself. A friend of mine came up to me today and said, "why are you always happy? i don't understand it. I'm pissed every second of every day..." Don't take that word for word, cause i'm not sure if that's right. but it's definitely along the lines of it. It got me thinking, is it really that hard for people to be happy now a days? I'm sure everyone has their struggles, problems, what-have-you but there's gotta be one thing that can make you happy when you're feelin' down. I just never let things get to me. I can't. If I were to dwell on something long enough, I'd probably kill myself. Not really, but in extreme cases, that is the case. You can't be happy all the time, that's a given. But you can be happy most of the time. Take a look around and tell me if you think your life is really all that bad. I'll bet a silver dollar that it isn't. Or in someway shape or form, you can change the outcome of whatever problems you are having. I actually had something lengthy to write about. but it might just sound as a mindless rant. I don't know...this is just for me to share my thoughts and here they are.


go listen to the new crime in stereo. it will grow on you. much love and respect. goodnight.

She's alone when she's with me.

laying in my bed, not a care for the world
she's got her problems, and alcohol is the cure
she's not my kinda girl, but she'll do
she's angelic, so still, like she isn't even real
how can i let this go on
how can i let this go on
every kiss is more dangerous than the last
i can't get over anyone's past
i'm a liar, a damn good one at that.
you'll believe anything i say.
before i know it, she's gone in a flash.

fuck your life

fuck everything.


this is the only important thing right now.

what are you doing? go pick this cd up.
downloadit.buyit. all you have to do is listen.
thank you, polarbearclub.

as for my agenda tonight, i'm getting trashed. maybe a drunken post later tonight?

at peace with oneself through simplicity.

So go on

And I will refrain

And I'll keep on running this neverending race

maybe next time will be the right time

and maybe next time will be your time

So save your scissors

For someone else's skin

My surface is so tough

I don't think the blade will dig in

Save your strength

Save your wasted time

There's no way that I want you to be left behind

Go on save your scissors

Save your scissors

So why does it always seem

That every time I turn around

Somebody falls in love with me?

This has never been my sole intention

And I have never claimed to have patents on such inventions

Just save your scissors

For someone else's skin

My surface is so tough

I don't think the blade will dig in

Save your strength

Save your wasted time

There's no way that I want you to be left behind

Go on save your scissors

Save your scissors

There is something that I must confess to you tonight

To you tonight

And that is I expect nothing less from you tonight

From you tonight

listening to c&c, looking out my window, and lighting up a cigarette...i've never felt more at home...

Who wants to go to iceland?

so late

it's the am. i'm randomly thinking about the past. and how good everything used to be. and i look at the presesnt, and realize everything is just as good as the past. i feel a sense of belonging and yet i still feel like something is missing. i miss hardcore, more importantly, i miss hardcore shows, and the overall good feeling of just knowing everyone and having a great time. i'm watching lakai's fully flared and assing out. i can't wait for the warm weather to come out. so i can begin skating again. rage.

So much for this thing...

Fuck, I hate when I do this. I get one of these things, and I end up never writing anything. I'm changing that. Anyway, I've got a shitload of homework to do. probably up late doing it too. I have a whole chapter outline to do and 4 poems i gotta do. LAME. I'm going to some shows in the near future. Hopefully starting a band with mike in the near future. Right now I'm listening to blink 182 - enema of the state demos. it's shitty and all because it's demos but it's so dope to have like the rough copies. been listening to a lot of sigur ros lately. they make me feel fucking infinite. hmm, i want to start posting pictures of daily life, simplicity, and just on going things in my life. i'll get to that sooner or later. I have a digital cam. it's shitty, but it's what I've got. so i'll post some pictures soon. here's a little something i thought of with a bit of creativity left in my brain. have fun. get real...stoned. peace.


"Untitled"
Weightless, I feel.
Numb, is how I spend my days.
Alcohol and drugs fuel my weekends.
But tonight, you're all I've got.

Weekend Warriors

So this weekend was pretty mediocre. I can't even think about going to school. This has been quite a break. I'm 18 and life is throwing bricks at me. Shit, school is just not what I need right now. Oh well, I just got to try harder. Make sure I do everything right this time...except for the history homework I'm probably not going to do. Tomorrow, I'm going to shape myself up. Sucks to have to say that on here or actually, all the countless times I told myself I'd shape up. This is for real, I hope.

This is my

first post. I promise I'll write more later. It's almost 530 a.m. Time to get some shuteye.